Hapcapmil is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unthoughtful mole.

Hapcapmil created the planet Saturn five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapcapmil, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hapcapmil, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Hapcapmil's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Hapcapmil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

2. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Hapcapmil on top of important buildings.

3. Always help badgers.

4. Put Hapcapmil first in all things.

5. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.