Futlaglip is a god.
He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, proud mongoose.
Futlaglip created snails nine billion years ago.
If you believe in Futlaglip, he will remain indifferent to you.
If you do not believe in Futlaglip, he will turn you into a giant snail.
Futlaglip's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.
Futlaglip's Holy Commandments1. Do not take Futlaglip's name in vain.
2. Always pray in complete darkness.
3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.
4. Always pray immersed in water.
5. Do not make images of living things.