Jarnvadbess is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, smart guinea pig.

Jarnvadbess created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnvadbess, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Jarnvadbess, she will have a low opinion of you.

Jarnvadbess' most sacred site is Camon in France.

Jarnvadbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat parsnips.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnvadbess.

3. Jarnvadbess must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Pray towards the south.