Lakdamkin is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, proud goat.

Lakdamkin created Africa seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakdamkin, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lakdamkin, she will make you grow a tail.

Lakdamkin's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Lakdamkin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near eagles while wearing brown trousers and balancing four iron spheres on your hands.

2. Never talk about dwarf planets.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not covet oxen.