Ladsafbell is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, almighty rhinoceros.

Ladsafbell created carbon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladsafbell, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ladsafbell, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Ladsafbell's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Ladsafbell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never sprint in the presence of otters.

4. Dogs are not to be trusted.

5. Never mention pigs.