Kopfarnzan is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, ruthless fish.

Kopfarnzan created carbon six million years ago.

If you believe in Kopfarnzan, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Kopfarnzan, it will be very unhappy.

Kopfarnzan's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Kopfarnzan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

2. Do not eat bread.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

4. Kopfarnzan loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

5. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Kopfarnzan on top of all buildings.
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