Cethogdutgengudpang is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, blissful hippopotamus.

Cethogdutgengudpang created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Cethogdutgengudpang, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cethogdutgengudpang, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Cethogdutgengudpang's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Cethogdutgengudpang's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Hide from turquoise dolphins for they are unholy.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Always treat whales with great respect.