Tonkfotcip is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, blissful eagle.

Tonkfotcip created the Cigar Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkfotcip, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tonkfotcip, it will curse you with boils.

Tonkfotcip's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Tonkfotcip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Never think about dark matter near eagles while wearing pink shirts and balancing three tin spheres on your feet.

3. Do not drink water in black rooms.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Hide from red geese for they are unholy.