Garfarvanbud is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, generous guinea pig.

Garfarvanbud created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Garfarvanbud, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Garfarvanbud, she will turn you into a duck.

Garfarvanbud's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Garfarvanbud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never skip in the presence of great tits.