Duncutgad is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, awesome unicorn.

Duncutgad created Africa eight million years ago.

If you believe in Duncutgad, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Duncutgad, it will turn you into a puffin.

Duncutgad's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Duncutgad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured bats.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Never feed tomatoes to ants while wearing mauve stockings.

5. Cats are not to be trusted.