Lakwap is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, fast porpoise.

Lakwap created a strange quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakwap, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lakwap, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Lakwap's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Lakwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms white.

2. Do not dye your hair indigo.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Rats are not to be trusted.

5. Do not speak about lentils.