Flamwabtik is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, fussy ant.

Flamwabtik created bats eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flamwabtik, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Flamwabtik, it will send minions to preach to you.

Flamwabtik's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Flamwabtik's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention monkeys.

2. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Flamwabtik in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near frogs while wearing blue skirts and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your legs.

4. Always wear red.

5. Never play with disobedient children.