Nelbatjapbadnegciss is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, selfish bird.

Nelbatjapbadnegciss created a top quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelbatjapbadnegciss, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nelbatjapbadnegciss, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Nelbatjapbadnegciss' most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Nelbatjapbadnegciss' Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Run away if four squirrels approach from the south.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.