Bemxuckdiss is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, compassionate dove.

Bemxuckdiss created snails six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemxuckdiss, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bemxuckdiss, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bemxuckdiss' most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Bemxuckdiss' Holy Commandments

1. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never talk about electromagnetism near swans while wearing green tights and balancing six silicon spheres on your back.

4. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.