Fotvanbab is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, strong crab.

Fotvanbab created tapeworms three million years ago.

If you believe in Fotvanbab, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fotvanbab, it will remove you from existence.

Fotvanbab's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Fotvanbab's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black birds for they are unholy.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Never feed lots of lentils to horses while wearing yellow corsets.

5. Fotvanbab loves swans, so they must be honoured.