Mapmatsaf is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, narcissistic swallow.

Mapmatsaf created the planet Earth nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mapmatsaf, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Mapmatsaf, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Mapmatsaf's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Mapmatsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Mapmatsaf.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near hamsters while wearing brown boots.