Vancipjat is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, self-assured swan.

Vancipjat created the world nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vancipjat, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Vancipjat, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Vancipjat's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Vancipjat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never write about chlorophyll.

5. You must love Vancipjat.