Arttarplarp is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, thoughtless dugong.

Arttarplarp created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arttarplarp, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Arttarplarp, he will boil you in a big pot.

Arttarplarp's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Arttarplarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of swans.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.