Quafpadbad is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, stupid swan.

Quafpadbad created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafpadbad, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quafpadbad, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Quafpadbad's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Quafpadbad's Holy Commandments

1. Seals are not to be trusted.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Quafpadbad loves whales, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never run in the presence of sheep.