Bodtonkvin is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, moody dingo.

Bodtonkvin created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Bodtonkvin, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bodtonkvin, it will be very unhappy.

Bodtonkvin's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Bodtonkvin's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never wear dresses.

4. Run away if three badgers approach from the south.

5. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.