Hinpitgof is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent narwhal.

Hinpitgof created Mount Everest seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hinpitgof, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hinpitgof, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Hinpitgof's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Hinpitgof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Hinpitgof loves swans, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not kill nematodes.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.