Lamsogtarg Gadjonbadzagdagarn Fitrilmap is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, competent fly.

Lamsogtarg Gadjonbadzagdagarn Fitrilmap created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamsogtarg Gadjonbadzagdagarn Fitrilmap, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lamsogtarg Gadjonbadzagdagarn Fitrilmap, she will not care.

Lamsogtarg Gadjonbadzagdagarn Fitrilmap's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Lamsogtarg Gadjonbadzagdagarn Fitrilmap's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never mention turtles.

3. Lamsogtarg Gadjonbadzagdagarn Fitrilmap must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never think ill of sick seals.

5. Always wear purple.