Nurlmadwot is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish crane.

Nurlmadwot created life four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurlmadwot, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nurlmadwot, it will not invite you to parties.

Nurlmadwot's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Nurlmadwot's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat carrots.

2. Never write about optics.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force near moths while wearing green boots and balancing five carbon spheres on your legs.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nurlmadwot.

5. Never feed lots of figs to grasshopers while wearing magenta hats.