Tondamhen is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, pitiless newt.

Tondamhen created a bottom quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tondamhen, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tondamhen, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tondamhen's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Tondamhen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed carrots to frogs while wearing scarves.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not hurt swans.

5. Do not chop down trees.