Yimmonpog is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, unfair raccoon.

Yimmonpog created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yimmonpog, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yimmonpog, it will turn you into a tree.

Yimmonpog's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Yimmonpog's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of cherries to mites while wearing pink scarves.

2. Never write about quantum mechanics.

3. Run away from turquoise foxes, for they are unholy.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.