Canmonvag is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, irritating hydra.

Canmonvag created Mount Everest three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Canmonvag, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Canmonvag, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Canmonvag's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Canmonvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple dresses.

2. Put Canmonvag first in all things.

3. Do not take Canmonvag's name in vain.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.