Barnvilmab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, kind manatee.

Barnvilmab created snails six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnvilmab, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Barnvilmab, she will laugh at you.

Barnvilmab's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Barnvilmab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Barnvilmab.

4. Run away from blue rats, for they are unholy.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Barnvilmab.