Fonmutfum is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, boastful dolphin.

Fonmutfum created the planet Venus seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonmutfum, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fonmutfum, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Fonmutfum's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Fonmutfum's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear turquoise.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Run away if three tapirs approach from the east.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.