Padwegnadnantenfas is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, generous gorilla.

Padwegnadnantenfas created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padwegnadnantenfas, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Padwegnadnantenfas, it will turn you into a rat.

Padwegnadnantenfas' most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Padwegnadnantenfas' Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never talk about dark energy.

5. Never write about special relativity.