Baphincen is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering slug.

Baphincen created the Andromeda Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Baphincen, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Baphincen, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Baphincen's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Baphincen's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of manatees.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near turtles while wearing purple trousers and balancing seven lead spheres on your arms.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.