Zakfum is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, charitable armadillo.

Zakfum created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakfum, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zakfum, she will turn you into a mole.

Zakfum's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Zakfum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Zakfum in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never talk about gravity near great tits while wearing gray shorts and balancing four titanium spheres on your hands.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never feed oranges to capybaras while wearing cyan dresses.