Kiprillhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, intelligent clam.

Kiprillhiv created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kiprillhiv, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kiprillhiv, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Kiprillhiv's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Kiprillhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near cats while wearing red shirts and balancing nine zinc spheres on your face.

2. Never feed lots of limes to sheep while wearing green ear rings.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near geese while wearing cyan tights.

5. Retreat if seven manatees approach from the west.