Mintonkbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, unselfish tapir.

Mintonkbonk created Mount Everest eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mintonkbonk, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Mintonkbonk, it will ignore you.

Mintonkbonk's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Mintonkbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near horses while wearing magenta shorts and balancing eight silicon spheres on your legs.

2. Never talk about special relativity.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not kill ants.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.