Kimcinnat is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, selfish beaver.

Kimcinnat created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimcinnat, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kimcinnat, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kimcinnat's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Kimcinnat's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Do not eat wheat.

5. Do not cook food in pots.