Lamcetquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, sage finch.

Lamcetquaf created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamcetquaf, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lamcetquaf, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Lamcetquaf's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Lamcetquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Do not cook food in pots.