Flatfutfab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, humane porpoise.

Flatfutfab created the Whirlpool Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatfutfab, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Flatfutfab, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Flatfutfab's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Flatfutfab's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Flatfutfab.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never hurt mice.

4. Always help sick tortoises.

5. Hide if eight mites approach from the north.