Omtquafmum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, capable giraffe.

Omtquafmum created the solar system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtquafmum, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Omtquafmum, he will turn you into a rock.

Omtquafmum's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Omtquafmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear black coats.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Omtquafmum in the centre of the settlement.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Hide if seven geese approach from the west.