Zakyoktip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, quiet goat.

Zakyoktip created an up quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakyoktip, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Zakyoktip, he will turn you into a mole.

Zakyoktip's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Zakyoktip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never feed lemons to monkeys while wearing mauve shorts.

3. Hide if six seals approach from the west.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Zakyoktip must be the most important thing in your life.