Bamparkarn is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, confident elephant.

Bamparkarn created Europe two years ago.

If you believe in Bamparkarn, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bamparkarn, she will not invite you to parties.

Bamparkarn's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Bamparkarn's Holy Commandments

1. Bamparkarn loves cats, so they must be honoured.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near moths while wearing red coats and balancing three lead spheres on your feet.

3. Hide from purple ducks for they are unholy.

4. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Bamparkarn on top of all buildings.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.