Captafbat Bagmanflis Quagpasvan is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, witty wren.

Captafbat Bagmanflis Quagpasvan created water two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Captafbat Bagmanflis Quagpasvan, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Captafbat Bagmanflis Quagpasvan, it will not invite you to parties.

Captafbat Bagmanflis Quagpasvan's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Captafbat Bagmanflis Quagpasvan's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Captafbat Bagmanflis Quagpasvan's priests.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Never think about amino acids.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Run away from mauve mites, for they are unholy.