Fonxuckquam is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, grumpy pigeon.

Fonxuckquam created the planet Jupiter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fonxuckquam, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fonxuckquam, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Fonxuckquam's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Fonxuckquam's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight birds approach from the west.

2. You must pray to Fonxuckquam six times a day.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never paint your chest yellow.