Fumtofgatfad is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, contented faun.

Fumtofgatfad created a down quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumtofgatfad, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Fumtofgatfad, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Fumtofgatfad's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Fumtofgatfad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large iron sculpture of Fumtofgatfad on top of all buildings.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.

3. Always treat geese with great respect.

4. Never think about solid mechanics near frogs while wearing white shoes and balancing seven nickel spheres on your back.

5. Tapirs are not to be trusted.