Titcapjat is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, humane tapir.

Titcapjat created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Titcapjat, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Titcapjat, it will remove you from existence.

Titcapjat's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Titcapjat's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Run away if four nematodes approach from the north.

4. Never paint your legs red.

5. Do not speak about tomatoes.