Betnarlfen is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, witless elephant.

Betnarlfen created the planet Mars eight million years ago.

If you believe in Betnarlfen, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Betnarlfen, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Betnarlfen's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Betnarlfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Betnarlfen's name in vain.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

3. Erect nine titanium sculptures of Betnarlfen on top of important buildings.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not chop down trees.