Sitwitbem is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, omnipotent guinea pig.

Sitwitbem created a photon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Sitwitbem, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sitwitbem, she will turn you into a plant.

Sitwitbem's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Sitwitbem's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six mites approach from the east.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near dolphins while wearing black tights and balancing four lead spheres on your legs.

3. Never talk about nebulae.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never think about spacetime near ants while wearing white stockings and balancing eight copper spheres on your arms.