Lamflapfon Jadyarcan is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, duplicitous guinea pig.

Lamflapfon Jadyarcan created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Lamflapfon Jadyarcan, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lamflapfon Jadyarcan, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Lamflapfon Jadyarcan's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Lamflapfon Jadyarcan's Holy Commandments

1. Lamflapfon Jadyarcan loves foxes, so they must be respected.

2. You must love Lamflapfon Jadyarcan.

3. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Lamflapfon Jadyarcan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never talk about special relativity.