Tafominbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, narcissistic faun.

Tafominbarn created a top quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafominbarn, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tafominbarn, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Tafominbarn's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Tafominbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven doves approach from the south.

2. Never talk about photosynthesis.

3. Do not eat wheat.

4. Never talk about nematodes.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing brown corsets and balancing eight silver spheres on your arms.