Mattonkrip is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, strong centipede.

Mattonkrip created the Andromeda Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Mattonkrip, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Mattonkrip, he will be very sad.

Mattonkrip's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Mattonkrip's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always help sick geese.

3. Never laugh in the presence of voles.

4. Never think about photosynthesis.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.