Lapsandxemsad is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, omniscient swallow.

Lapsandxemsad created the solar system three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapsandxemsad, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lapsandxemsad, she will cry a lot.

Lapsandxemsad's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Lapsandxemsad's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Worship no other gods but Lapsandxemsad.

3. Do not wear zinc on your body.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never feed turnips to geese while wearing dresses.