Femhatstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, uncaring walrus.

Femhatstaf created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femhatstaf, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Femhatstaf, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Femhatstaf's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Femhatstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Femhatstaf in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never eat green fruit.